In 1998, after spending 25 years of calling myself a “born again Christian,” (1973) my actual accepting of the term and proudly wearing their banner, decided to move onward to a new belief adventure in 1998.
As a child (before 1973) in 1962 I attended The Episcopalian Church with my mother and father and thank god we never beat people’s spirits down to make or cause them to believe in Christ. We never significantly or proudly boasted, “I led this one to the lord.”
No Episcopalians are cool and unpretentious and I should have remained one as they are less tiring and wearisome on others peacefulness. However, I am far past their teachings now and into my own beliefs and I am content.
But… onward I forged by myself exploring all little crooks and crannies that I was told, “don’t go into that place. Demons are there!” And they (the ones saying this crap) growled worse than any demon could do so. Some of those Christians were and are pretty scary. Yes they are and I was once just like them. I didn’t like me then.
I am glad that Christ is nothing like that. In my recent death experience, the being that might have been him (Christ) was behind me while on my journey through space and the galaxies into the universe and universes. He, if it was him, sat joyfully telling The Elohim how to place the nebulous in the universe. He was like an interior designer of the entire outside space. He was extremely happy and laughed a lot. If this was Christ He didn’t jump out there and say, “praise the lord… you better believe in me or else.”
Nope. The happy fellow was humble, trusting, not pushy, kind, non accusatory and very comforting. He was very much unlike any church other than The Episcopalians. He’s far from their (church goers) appearances or behaviors. I think he’s happy with the Episcopalians though. I think that he is most like them, if he identifies with any church organization.
Now in 1998, I went back to the things that I grew up with and loved.
Number one: astrology. Gods map of vibrational forces throughout the earth compared to the solar system.
FYI about astrology, you realize that once we are off the earth and time stops 24/7 then the heavenly vibrational forces change. Astrology changes and a new unknown measurement begins again.
Now I will take you off my beaten track to a story about aliens. Please stay with me on my journey.
A Christian therapist led me on a regression or a hypnotic therapy session. It was many years ago (late 1950’s) that I was haunted by visions of beings who visited my father (a mechanical engineer who designed missiles, rockets and ammunition) during the Vietnam War. They, the beings seen by me) were not of this earth.
During my regression, I was being taken back to meet them. However when I arrived in this time, back to the 1950’s or 1960’s, they were forceful and told me to leave. I was not invited. They used their arms and hands to tell me to leave, “now.”
So I left quickly. I then met up with Jesus and the two Mary’s. We began walking together on an old rocky road in the warm Sun. Jesus Christ was walking next to me as the two Mary’s walked behind us. They were praying and quiet.
The walking behind by the two women wasn’t because of a superiority that Jesus being a male had. No it was designed this way for the prayers to be completed and effective.
We walked and talked. Jesus had met me outside of the aliens den. He said, “come with me.” So I gathered my thoughts and being and went with him and the two ‘Mary’s.
He said that he understood my thoughts and dilemma and that he was turning me over into the company of some good friends of his, “The Magi.” He said that I would be safe there and that I should trust them and learn everything that I could.
I said, “yes, but they are about astrology and the unseen world and that’s wrong, evil, of the devil, etc.”
He said, “ you will be fine. You will learn under them now. You’ve learned everything that you can from me. Trust me.”
I said, “okay, I will believe you and trust you.” I proceeded in the direction he led me. On stone stairways leading down into the turquoise waters away from The Sun, descending into the beautiful ocean.
He and the two Mary’s left me as I went down into deep waters into the place of Atlantis. I was there looking at the monuments and recognized my heritage, my beginnings. I was home.
He (Jesus) brought me home!
I was freed from the church and all their harshness. Their yelling and cruelty was now behind me. I could now live my life free from condemnation and guilt.
Jesus smiled and said you are apart of them. Go now. The three left me swimming amongst the depths of the ocean 🌊 and within Atlantis.
From this point my real experience began.
1 Samuel 8
The people (Israelites) demand there be a king.
Humans want/need to place someone in charge. They have an innate want/need to elevate someone, to admire someone and to follow someone. We are like the mammals on earth. We think lowly and have not risen to the place needed for progression beyond mammals.
I believe this is part of the animal nature within humans and is not the best for the earth. But… humans aren’t there. We haven’t risen to the place of where, no kingships are needed. History proves this over and over again.
The Neanderthal gene 🧬 is continuing to influence our human thinking. We think and behave like animals. We don’t take care of anything such as our planet. We admire wrong things on earth or the things that tear the earths gifts away such as oxygen. We love looking up to those (any of those) who are willing to be scrutinized by others. We are selfish and the Roman Colosseum truly isn’t that distant from our past.
Hello and welcome to my blog or my stumbling on life using scribbles. We’re glad you made it!
Today, I am introducing you to another FB friend who is the administrator over numerous Near Death Experience groups. He will share some of his personal story, as well as, his fascinating life as an astrologer, a medium, and an engineer.
So now please welcome this handsome man Ned Matinnia.
So… Thank you Ned for agreeing to share your story with The World on my webpage. It’s a pleasure to have you stop in for a visit! You are a very interesting person and I am sure everyone would love to hear your experiences, as well as, hear about all of your hobbies. The astrologer and the medium, as well as, being an engineer are intriguing professions. What a combination. You remind me of my father’s interests.
Ned and the bronze gentleman, is this statue one of Einstein, Ned?
Q: How about a little bio as to your profession, age, married? Tell us a little bit about yourself.
Ned: I’m in my early 30’s right now and single. In fact, for the vast majority of my life, I’ve been alone. The emotionally abusive childhood I endured (and my extra-sensitive nature) had such an impact that I was scared of people for many years, with social anxiety and feeling like I wasn’t as good as anybody else. In recent years that has started to change.
For work, I’ve been a software engineer as I’ve always loved computers and technology. It just so happened to be a great career path for me as well. But over time, I’ve been branching into spiritual work, such as astrology/numerology (both, as they just so happen to neatly dovetail into each other – supporting the same message). And even mediumship readings. This has been an area where I’ve been building my experience and confidence with. It took many psychics, mediums, and intuitive friends to tell me out of the blue: “You are a medium. You can do this,” before I began to open to the idea that I could really do this. It can be scary to start out, not knowing if what you’re saying makes any sense whatsoever to your client. But, oftentimes it does in wonderful ways that I could never have expected.
A daily labor of love I’ve had is tending to and cultivating the Near Death Experiences public group on Facebook with my co-admin Katie. Now with almost 33,000 members, I never would have expected this to happen. But I think it’s a sign of the times, and people are wanting answers beyond the often cryptic or trite religious answers, and beyond the (mainstream) scientific “veil of atheism/materialism” (the two tend to strongly tie to each other in intellectual circles).
Q: How have you grown after being around NDEs or having an experience?
Ned: I’ve come a long way from the often-hopeless agnostic or even atheist that I used to be. I’ve always loved science and figuring things out and understanding how things work and why. Science naturally is that realm of knowledge and understanding based on study, observation, and evidence/data.
But to someone who is really hurting emotionally in life, or who feels like life is meaningless, and that life is some f’d up crazy circus (like the typical headlines on the news), science only told me that life is an accident and that there is no meaning or purpose.
Many people would list their loved ones, family, and friends as the things that make them happiest; well, at the time, I had none of those. I had a typical family yes, but I didn’t deeply feel connected to them. I don’t want to sound cold at all. But I felt like my heart and feelings were just somewhere else, and no one around me, family included, could nurture or support that in the deeper way that I needed. Sometimes feeling like an alien here on Earth.
Fast-forward to when I learned about near death experiences for the first time. I had come across an article on the internet I think about them. And eventually had found and read Life After Life by Dr. Raymond Moody. I watched videos of interviews of experiencers, so moved and amazed at what they were sharing. I felt like….this is the reason to live. This explains it. This goes where (at least mainstream) science has yet to open its closed eyes. This also explains things in a way that religions (all of them) haven’t been able to fully connect I felt. Actually having people who die, watch their bodies, hear the people around them, sometimes even feel those peoples’ emotions or know their private thoughts, and then to sometimes meet deceased loved ones they had never even heard about or seen photos of in their ancestry….to people remembering why they chose to come to Earth in the first place…it was to me like the Jackpot.
Since then, I attended my first IANDS Conference (International Association for Near Death Studies) in 2012, in Scottsdale, Arizona. I got to meet and see “NDE celebrities” (I use that word loosely and playfully; it’s not about ego or putting people on pedestals, but I like to be a sort of cheerleader and support and be excited about them. I’ve recently started calling myself an “NDE Advocate” and I think that’s the most fitting label I’ve found so far =) ).
I’ve also grown in the faith or more like Knowing about life after death, and that the “little things” really are the “big things.” Kindness is so important…including with and starting with ourselves. When all the religions’ teachings basically boil down to “love one another” and when that same message is so strong from near death experiences, it really means something.
And that we have a purpose on this Earth. That the Earth is precious, nature is precious, and that we are nature; not separate or “lording over it” it.
So overall, the amazing knowledge of NDEs has made me: happier, more trusting in life, more compassionate and kind, more humble and able to laugh at myself, and more empathic and eager to put myself in others’ shoes.
Q: What’s the most valuable information that you have learned?
Ned: 1. We never die; we are eternal and have existed long before this current human life.
2. Love, experience and knowledge are what we take with us; they are the things that matter most.
3. The little things are the big things. Having wealth or high intelligence or other bragging rights are not about having them and gloating over them or comparing ourselves to others; gifts like this are meant to be shared with the world. For each of our unique gifts and talents can help others in some way. That’s the value and the importance we have in life.
4. Everything we do is recorded and comes back to us. So those trying to take advantage of anyone, regardless if your peers or family tends to judge/look down on certain groups of people as “normal”/status quo in society today or in the past, should heed this and know that we’re all equal and we’re all in this together. Even those in other countries or from other ethnic backgrounds or religions (including atheism, which is kind of an unofficial religion with its strong dogma and beliefs).
5. Religions talk about this as well as NDErs: What matters is our intentions. What were we doing and WHY? We may have scolded someone, but it was because we cared about them and wanted to ensure they heeded our warning (like a child crossing the street without looking). We maybe didn’t know that there was a better way to express this care and concern than scolding at the time, since older generations tended to use physical force like hitting with rulers in school or spanking, etc. as the norm. When people die and they have a life review, they realize how they impacted everyone around them. And they are not judged; but our intentions lay naked before all today. Were we really trying to be our best selves in that situation, or were we trying to be sneaky and get away with something, using lies or a false mask to make it look like we were the good guy on the surface? Common ethical situations that we all face every day on Earth. Just reading about the Navy SEAL commander who was killing random innocents and how he threated his team to keep quiet and promote him as a war hero. Acts and intentions like that will be seen for who and what they really are, even if people may fall for the appearance here and believe the lies for a time while still on Earth.
Q: What changed in your lives like becoming a vegetarian or perhaps exercising or whatever might have changed your ways to live?
Ned: The more I’ve learned about NDEs, I’ve become plant-based/vegan, but this is not solely from NDEs but also seeing how destructive the global meat industry is on the planet (cutting down square miles of rainforest in the Amazon for example, to plant soybeans that will feed cows for cheap Big Macs in the developed world). Incredibly destructive and wasteful to biodiversity and life on this planet, and irresponsible. Also honoring my body as my temple more and giving it exercise and foods and smoothies that nourish it. No longer drinking alcohol for the most part, after seeing how destructive and aging it is on the body.
Q: What about how you worship? Has your thoughts or beliefs changed?
Ned: I used to be an atheist and sort of an agnostic. Now I KNOW there is a Great Spirit, Higher Power, God, Source, whatever label – it’s way beyond any labels. All the human labels in the world don’t hold a candle to God. I know that God is in all things and to be more mindful of how I live in the little moments in each and every day. To honor even a bird on the sidewalk, or a bug on a tree. To see that hunting for sport (not practical use with good intentions) is harmful and irresponsible.
Q: What about family life, are you closer now? Are you a better parent or teacher? Do you listen more now? Are you more tolerant or less?
Ned: My family is a little complicated. I’m more detached from my dad, which is healthy for me, as there is some lack of understanding there and even abuse and judgment. He even chides me for my interest in near death experiences, saying that it’s a morbid topic and for people who are depressed with no future, and that I shouldn’t focus on death. He doesn’t get it :). But I hold no anger or resentment towards him. And I love my mom and sister too. I think as time goes on, I’m finding soul family too. Friends and “family” in spiritual communities who I really feel at home with and understanding with. And like for many experiencers, these new “soul tribes” become just as important, and part of our family. I am more tolerant of my family overall, and of people in general. But I also now put up boundaries where I feel is healthy, where in the past, I didn’t even know the concept of healthy boundaries, and would let people use me or treat me unfairly.
Q: How would you wrap up your thoughts?
Ned: The last thing I want to say is just a reminder that 1) intention is key; putting loving, honest intention into action is key in life 2) everything we do matters; don’t waste your life feeling like you have no purpose, or value, or worth. Find your heart and do what brings you peace and excitement, even if, or especially if it’s something that you were afraid others might judge you for. Eventually you will find people who love the more authentic real you. 3) Life is about love, and also play. Being silly is just as important as getting down to business at times.
Q: Do you have a contact to offer to readers and what is the website for them to visit?
Ned: Find me in the Facebook Near Death Experiences group:
I want to thank you, Ned, for taking your valuable time to share yourself and become vulnerable with the world. May you achieve the highest goal that you are intended to reach. Thank you so very much.
Welcome! On the bottom of my blog is a link to the radio program.
I want to thank Nori, Aage, and Tom who were the radio panel of hosts. You three were kind, supportive and wonderfully interested.
I noticed, on YouTube, that 179 people have viewed the radio program (that I gave my experience in heaven). And… out of 179 views only 20 have liked it.
I have been told by family that my NDE changed me. I have more confidence now. Others have complimented me and asked me to defend them as an attorney (lol. What a wonderful compliment). I have not watched it as I will pick myself apart and one day, I will.
Well this made me curious and doubtful about myself When I saw the lack of likes. I asked, what is wrong.
Then I remembered that my death experience was not about any religious experience on earth. And because it is not of any beliefs, it leaves one with a walking away, scratching the head. Yep.
This scares people.
For your fears, I am sorry that you have this element of knowledge within (programed) you. I once had that too. I remember.
But know, as I said in the beginning of the radio program… this is… “My experience. It’s mine and not yours”.
So… no fears. Okay?
So here’s the link to the radio program. My date was on May 15, 2019 should this link not take you to my interview.
Thank you for visiting!
Now, I am given messages that are to the point and not so much of what anyone (including me) wants to know. Why? Because they are scary messages and unpopular.
My first intense message came while driving this week. I believe it was on Monday May 6, 2019. Though the date is not sure.
The message came into my head. Not audibly heard but was dramatically felt. I spoke it into my cell phone recorder. It was so intense. I recorded it and then had to erase it as it was too strong for me to give.
I knew what I heard was right, but who would want to know this … ? Why do I have the information now? Why? These are a few of the questions I ask.
The message is about human dna and beliefs. It (the messenger) told me that we humans are beings that must have beliefs in something. In anything. We are not programmed nor are puppets or playthings but we have a nature that is unlike aliens and is odd to those in control of our world or universe.
We must believe in a supreme winning power. We must feel as though we are good conquers. We are competitive even in our beliefs. The emotions are more animal than alien.
Aliens are often artificial intelligence or AIs. The AIs have no thoughts about feelings or beliefs.
Humans are strange and odd. Humans care about death and birth and afterlives. Aliens of AI have zero feelings about any of that. Non.
This is one reason that Stephen Hawking said he feared any alien visitations. He thought it best to not invite them for a very good reason… AIs aren’t human.
Since my death I have experienced internal messages. I have always considered myself fairly psychic; however, what I am feeling now is over the top of my experiences and as I said before, I am fairly psychic.
Having my Moon in Cancer is a pretty good indication of intuitive gifts operating within me plus other astrological natal signs as well. But, my death experience truly opened the internal mailbox and information flies by me. I grab what I think is important and have the energies for conquering. And the one I am going to share with you came to plop down in the passenger seat of my car and was loud and fairly clear.
Now onto beliefs.
It doesn’t matter what we believe. However, our destiny (past death), is about fulfilling the innate belief we so gravitate towards. We must believe in something.
So there are numerous systems on earth from Christianity to Judaism, Muslim to Buddha and anything else from Gnosticism to atheism to witchcraft.
Humans must believe in something otherwise we struggle with psychological issues such as depression. We gain a sense of not belonging (to something) if we don’t participate in something.
Political parties are also part of the belief systems. The belonging to an organization gives humans a pat on the back and a sense of pride when attending. Contributing to mankind in whatever platform feels best for each individual is an emotional need for mankind no matter what race, location or whatever or whomever they are. Humans must have a place in life. They must serve and will give to their degree of honor of their kinship or kingship.
Our beliefs do not have anything to do with love. Our beliefs can annihilate others, can save some, and can feed a country. Sometimes we do good things and sometimes bad when using our beliefs. Love is rarely the beneficial movement within the ingredients of beliefs. Power, ego and control are the contributing factors usually.
So why am I being told this stuff? And what am I supposed to do with it? I don’t know.
I am guessing now.
Perhaps if we knew this about ourselves we could or would stop killing others in the name of our gods. Or would we…
Perhaps we would or could be more tolerant of others. Maybe…
Perhaps the big picture includes all humans.
Not just one …
Why was I told? What am I supposed to do? How can I help? All of this is mind boggling to me.
Once again I have the pleasure of introducing you to a friend that I gained after my death in February of this year 2019.
I sought the help of Hiroumi after he was referred to me by another person who had a death experience but unlike mine. He felt Hiroumi would be the one who could help me, and he, my friend, was correct. I am amazed by the knowledge and integrity of this man Hiroumi.
So without another minute of me writing and talking let me introduce to you, Hiroumi Sunagawa.
Each obtains the intended experience. My youth death experience and return was odd. Most of what happened was far beyond my child-mind’s ability to process. I think that is why the decision to withhold memory of all of it occurred and was only given a partial recall 18 years later.
When given that partial recall, I remembered, and saw the part where the memory withholding decision was made. I asked questions about this and was told I would recall some of the missing gaps as I lived life, and some gaps I would never recall while here on earth.
As gaps were restored, each one only occurred when I was spiritually ready and prepared to accept. Each time of a gap restoration caused me to have to fully review all of what I recalled.
The gap restorations are still occurring. On the average, it’s been around one gap restoration every seven years or so; although there were several restorations within just a few years time, and those were intensely mind-boggling.
I have come to the conclusion that the entire set of events of death and return and all that occurred on that foreign seashore and dunes was carefully preplanned and prepared specifically as a “reservoir” made accessible to me only as I moved forward in wanting to come to deeper comprehension.
There have been times where I read multiple spiritual books and then months later, after accessing additional insight, a gap restoration would happen. None of it was “forced” upon me. Every step has required my will to move forward. This is part of the design specifically for me as an entity, because of the core nature of my inner need.
About ten years ago, during meditation, I was shown how I ended up on earth and why it was necessary for my entity to experience multiple cycles.
I was shown that each soul that chooses their very first non-fully-spiritual realm for material incarnation is provided an utopian cycle that mirrors many of the spiritual characteristics of divine ways. And this “first experience” would create a sense of a “material Home”, an attachment to that world that exists within a chosen universe.
Eons ago, it was determined that there was no suitable world within my “home universe” for the lessons I needed to experience for deeper understanding. What I was shown was being “transferred“ to this universe, and being “temporarily assigned” to earth.
It was then that I was given the nickname of “The Traveler”, a nomadic soul without a permanent home. I was also shown that I held no position or authority in this universe because it was not my original assigned universe. I was, indeed, only visiting for experience.
There is more to the story, but this is sufficient to show that each of us are unique and each of us have experiences presented for our uniqueness’s needs.
Where to find Hiroumi Sunagawa…
Thank you sooo very much Hiroumi Sunagawa for allowing me to share your thoughts with others. It is my hope that all of us can understand what happens to we humans post our deaths from this world.
This evening in the USA I have the privilege of posting another person who has had a near death experience or a death experience many years ago.
My guests name is John Scott and he has some specific thoughts about his experience. John asks that we just listen and not state that he is the gospel about death experiences but just be open as he doesn’t want to cause problems with anyone.
And John, I understand what you are saying here. Thank you for your bravery.
I am excited about posting John’s story as it is much like my own and that means that we both had scientific experiences.
Okay let’s move forward and say… hello to John!
And here is Johns experience based on a focal point of experience.
“This is more a post than a question. A warning, do not quote this post as gospel or ‘your’ truth, it’s not, it’s my truth. So often people misquote other’s versions or take stuff out of context.
This post may challenge a few. That’s not my concern really, ever since I had my NDE I’ve upset more people than I can remember from day one, as they have ‘beliefs’ that they tend to cling onto rather than be open to this experience. I ended up becoming a recluse for half my life after my experience, rarely sharing anything to do with my experience until 2012.
I’ve experienced people literally explode in anger at simple thought forms that differ from theirs; amazing, such is the power of ‘beliefs’.
The content of this post is more to do with the structure of the source light itself, its role and purpose in the larger picture if any.
When I say ‘larger’ I mean the universe itself, which is infinite; a word so often bandied around without a second thought. Infinite is infinite, never ending. We as humans tend to think linear, beginning and end with a process in the middle, this is in error, everything is cyclical-infinite.
Not only do we think linear, we exclude/edit vast amounts of accessible information, trillions of other entities also reside in the universe, yes Ets including other entities in other dimensions beyond the physical. I don’t want to scare anyone, but we are primitive primates compared to many of these other entities.
Recently another poster mentioned that the light ‘knew everything’, I disagree from a much subtler philosophical based off my own NDE.
It’s almost if not impossible to describe the source light because it is everything and nothing simultaneously, that’s what I saw; a conundrum full of dualistic opposites within one united energy field on every level of cognition.
The source light used the term ‘us’ during the telepathic dialogue again; one simple word opens vast discourse into what ‘us’ actually means? I’ve spent a long time cogitating that one.
The sheer amount of info was/is staggering so just collating the information into a cognitive format is difficult, people so often want a quick fix or pill. Each word brings up more questions, challenges, and rebuttals.
One of these conundrums if not all, I’m still struggling with 30 years later. I saw the source light was the oldest ‘entity’ and yet like a baby **simultaneously that needs to know more hence this post.
Q: So how does this source light learn from or through us if at all?
Creation is a pregnant word, when I say creation we open another can of worms as some assume a spontaneous combusted creation according to a particular mythology. There are many mythologies globally that completely differ that need to be respected, however, I’m not a mythologist, I’m a NDEr.
I won’t post how we got here as this is extremely challenging for those who have religious/other beliefs. I’m personally not threatened as to how we got here; rather, I’m elated knowing we aren’t ‘alone’ in the universe.
Whilst in the light yes, the love is phenomenal, nothing like it can be experienced in this form as a human. Logic would denote that this ‘love’ pervades *all souls (there is a form of soul evolution also) that also come from the source. Soul evolution is hardly talked about, and this is where the root of the subject gets sticky. A soul is *not a solid thing, I’ve said this time and again on the forum. The soul can grow also, and in soul growth, this process is reserved for the ‘merge’.
This assumption that the light knows everything is not what I experienced due to the way the big bang and consciousness work as they don’t work in perfect tandem. The big bang happens first, then the source light expands into the void created by the explosion, hence the ‘light enters into darkness’ and it’s this void of darkness where all the ‘learning’ takes place. When we as an entity reach an evolutionary stage, meaning our vessel (body) is capable of having source light within, then and only then the process of learning or growth for source light begins.
We as humans have awareness and this awareness is unique say to animals or insects, plants, they too have awareness, but not like ours. Our soul evolution has reached an evolutionary level to enable us to take back new knowledge to source.
I remember like yesterday probing the light, trying to ‘see through it’. I tried to pierce beyond to see if there was anything behind it, you know, something even more profound, nope.
That was the end of the line, it was home.
So whilst in the light, vast and I mean vast amounts of knowledge are just there (from previous entities who have discharged their experience into the light), I wasn’t asking initially, it was there for the understanding. I did ask eventually when I could settle my mind long enough to actually prompt a response.
The awe I had for the light was beyond words and yes, people may have their own billions of questions they’d pound at the light if given the opportunity, trust me, the experience is overloaded with the emotion of love and that is the answer to all questions, but we’re human, so we keep asking. We’re driven to ask questions and this process of ‘asking’ is also from the light itself.
It too asks questions and this process of ‘exchange’ or ‘sharing’ is often done during the review process for some, not all. I can’t answer for anyone else.
We hear so often the review is based around how we treated others, my review was nothing like that, I got to see multiple lives and how I arrived at this one. Yes, I’d been to the source *millions of times previously and again, this seems to challenge ‘one lifers’ no end, even going into cognitive denial and dissonance, anger even. It’s ok, it wasn’t YOUR experience, it was mine.
There is another process of which rarely anyone mentions and this is the process involving the merge. I won’t be discussing the merge at all, ever. Knowledge is power and in the wrong hands can be misused. A conversation came up in the forum, claiming the light ‘knows all’, and I offered my response which wasn’t to the liking of the poster, hence this post.
We are in a symbiotic relationship with the source light, it needs us and we need it.
Yes the light knows all, up to a point, which is beyond anything we can cognise, however, I wasn’t being a smart arse by challenging this philosophical assertion that the light knows all, it doesn’t. The light has the knowledge of a trillions big bangs before this one, but… still wants to learn, so re creates the universe in differing fractals each time.
The source light is infinite, it has **always existed, it is beyond time, space, gravity and resides both within and beyond its own creation. I personally and imo would place my semi beliefs into panentheism now, not to be confused with pantheism.
Google it for homework.
It’s this cosmological belief i.e. pan-entheism (transcendental and immanent) that allows a ‘separate’ creator aspect to its own creation like a barrier. This dialogue gets into heavy philosophical/metaphysical posits of subtlety that are very hard to describe let alone understand. The source light actually separates a fraction of itself as the purest form of unmanifested energy hence it is permanently apart from everything but still connected. This section of source light resides at 50 times the speed of light, that’s what it showed me..
This aspect @ 50 x is the part that is so pure, beyond anything we can cognise, hence when ‘new and only new information returns, it then allows that new to merge with it and remain. If nothing ‘new’ is evident, then that soul or segment will discharge a review (life) and then reincarnate into another body, not just human. All of this is done in love, there is no punishment, just learning and growth for both parties.
Everyone has something new, it may just be a tiny accidental discovery in one’s 80 year long life, but it’s enough to satisfy the source light.
It took me 25 years to even find the right questions to answer of which I’m posting here for free.
The source light knows everything, or it **seemed to know everything, but it still has its own growth phase, remember it is a perpetual baby and babies need growth, **new things, **new experiences and this is getting into some very, very esoteric areas that are really inconsequential when dealing with our mundane realities down here.
When the source light implodes or the universe eventually returns to pure form, it starts again, big crunch, big bang, infinite folks, infinite. Infinite growth and knowing, untold big bangs, infinite, so yes, the light seems to know everything, but it doesn’t because it keeps banging looking for new things, new experiences and fractals, which are infinite, nothing is stagnant, it is energy.
So if you want to make the creator happy? Go and create and make new things, accidents in play.
Rituals are boring, repetitive. Go and paint a painting, or make up a new song, a dance or anything.
It wants us to be like children and ask. The ‘asking’ is embedded so deeply in our soul we’ve forgotten. I wanted to make a longer post regarding our first mandate when humans arrived, if prompted, I will. It regards the origin of ‘naming things’ which was our first command.
new things, anything as long as love underpins your motive.
These are links to radio station shows that John has been a guest.
And one more radio program
Thank you John for agreeing to share your experience with my audience. Thank you so very much.
My Death Experience
So~ When I arrived in heaven or wherever I was, I was just there. No tunnels, no lights, no family or friends and no angels by my side. No music. Nothingness. Darkness and blackness. No sound, no telepathy… absolutely nothing.
I was in dark lights as I wasn’t on earth and I had no idea that I was gone nor missing or anything out of the ordinary death experience.
While dead for 20-30 minutes, I experienced total blackness. It was non-memorable. When I started breathing once again and oxygen was-back in my system, my thoughts returned.
I have come to the conclusion that memories, thoughts, and experiences are created by using oxygen. Earth, oxygen and time are interconnected and oxygen is the main ingredient for the creation of memories and dreams, out of body rememberances and anything that we can fathom and remember on earth.
Otherwise, without oxygen there are no memories. And I must say that I was given this piece of knowledge after my death experience.
Now bear in mind that I am deaf and I asked them (whom, I never saw) if I needed to hear and it said, “I don’t think so. You’ll be fine. You’ll see.” And I was fine without hearing and this too was shown to me.
So off we ventured first to witness the physical properties of the earths dirt. The elements, the bacteria, the microscopic quantum universes below us and the intricate makeup of the physics held within the pebbles of sands, soils, gems, silvers and golds beneath our feet 🦶.
I was then taken to the earths relics and there I read hieroglyphics and inspected each object. From Peru to Mexico to Egypt To Sumerian culture, I was shown our human experience and our beginnings.
From there I returned to the Cleansing Pool to be cleansed again for ascension.
(My Cleansing Pool where in my heaven I went before ascension could take place. The talk Asian man was very kind, soft spoken (though our thoughts were telepathic) and assured me that I was not in hell. I think that he was familiar to me.)
At some point in their time, I was introduced to our alien forefathers. Alien DNA. I don’t know if all humans come from the same alien species. However, I doubt it. There was a room of (I think) five (5). They said “hello” and I was satisfied and asked no more questions. Ugh 😑with my lack of questions.
After the meeting, I was off with a being that was unseen. We traveled through out the universes. To The Pleiades, to Orion’s Belt and onwards to the outer of the universes.
I was shown binary codes that I couldn’t read yet they said that I could. They showed me star charts and I was amazed.
Also the outer of the universes was in front of me. The Elohim was creating a nebulous or something. The perimeter of the universes was made of Fibonacci designs. The designs were intricate and spoke to me telepathically. They were busy.
I sat on the side of something as far away as the moon 🌚 is to the earth 🌎 and watched the Elohim making this enormous masterpiece in space. Magnificent work and experience.
I asked about what was outside the universes. I was told that its dangerous for humans and that we wouldn’t return if we left.
The word phagocytes (white blood cells devour unwanted bacteria in the human body) came to me. I knew that I must not venture there.
During the entire time I spent in heaven , I heard the voices of my children in their upper thirties and my sister calling me home. They said , “come home, its not your time.” So I chose to return.
“The death angel “ lingered for eleven days.
And this is the basis of my experience. I know that I got way ofd topic. My apologies .
My brain is still in recovery from lack of oxygen. Anoxia. I am progressing to completeness and am lacking in recalling words, but have increased positive traits such as mathematics since my death experience.
Thank you for reading
The “yin” and “yang” flows to and fro throughout lives providing the sewn.
And when it’s all over and taking your bows, karma presents you with a kick in your arse.
It says, “try it again, young soul of earth. Sleep well tonight and think of the dirt.
Supplying the manufacturer with a path to create.
Now onwards laddies into the matrix and plights.
And give it up when reaching the delight.”
My drawing of my death experience on the edge of the universes. At the top I labeled “phagocytosis” as for humans to leave our universes came a warning ⚠️
The Fibonacci grew all over the edges and it created electromagnetic energies that communicates with the entire universes and supplies energies needed.
It seems to me that our universes make up the upper lobe of a lung or perhaps I misinterpreted the idea. It seems right.
Please understand that poetry writing is difficult for me since my incident last month. Anoxia has robbed my memory though every day I am getting better. Writing poetry makes me think. I don’t want to write any, but it’s a great exercise for my memory.
When Lives Change
Scrambling five mornings a week
For toasts, showers, clothing, lipstick, and my purse
Starting a car without the keys
Where did I put them, dear god, help! Please
Evening arrives on time, each eve
Cooking, forget cleaning, I’m up to my knees
Can’t someone assist, can’t they see me, geez!
Lord I need help with living, dear god, please
Years pass, and I’ve held things in disarray, it seems
Time has flown by and there’s nothing I have achieved, for me.
Compliments come in for my nothings, I’ve truly deemed.
Rolling my eyes about living and it’s all a confusing dream.
So February comes and it’s cold outside.
Loosing breath one night fighting hands that slide.
As if someone is choking me, slipping out of this place
Somewhere else I awakened with no time, like a space
No memory of children, pets or my homely mess.
In a place of intriguing beauty and experience.
At Pleiades, then Orion’s Belt, up and away from there.
Suddenly ~ while transporting~ I almost convulsed
The magnificence is overwhelming, as his smiling joy, couldn’t wait To show me the revelations of heaven
The gifts made just for me
And I thank him for all that he is blessing me.
With my questions answered about the universes and living after death
And in reverence I thank him for all glorious things, I have seen
I waved back and off I went
To the voices calling me home that afternoon.
I knew we’d meet again one time in my future
But now I know that my earthly frustrations are part of my heaven
And arriving home I smiled at my homely disappointments
My sadness now joy
Looking at the mess
Breathing in and out without being strangled
And yes, I am forever grateful to Him who smiles
And gave me my life with new and brighter eyes
March 10 @2019
Someone sent a message to me asking a question. My response is this;
Death is individual created for all of us as heaven is, as well.
It is my opinion and not based on fact, the harder the death, the more someone loved their life and didn’t want to leave Earth.
So, this is why I say, death is created for each individual to have them leave their bodies.
In my case, death was hard. It was though, I was being strangled and death was frightening until I collapsed into nothing. There were no memories of that time. Maybe 20-30 minutes.
When I awakened 2 days later in icu, I was in and out of a coma. It was when the oxygen and time returned that I began to remember or see heaven then.
Heaven is created for each individual as I said. That’s why some people have deeply religious experiences and others have their hearts or beliefs experiences.
My love in life has been creation of The Earth, the galaxies, aliens and supernatural beings, relics, ancient cultures, mankind’s origins and mathematical physics, patterns and anything oddly different and interesting.
In the past (late 1990’s) I had been a “born again Christian” and got rid of all the things that I loved, mentioned above. After the late 90’s after leaving the church, I found and followed fearfully my own beliefs.
I found out during my recent death experience that God (small word for the creator) loved me just as I am.
In heaven he/she showed me everything that I love. I found out that I am okay where I am at with the creator.
So I hope that I answered your questions.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I so much appreciated reading 📖 the words written.
Thank you, I hope that I have helped.
Yes, I died. I flatlined. I had no pulse and no breath.
My son called EMS and my daughter got to my house before EMS.
That being said, I went without oxygen for a while and when you read my post here on WordPress, it might be confusing as my brain was/is anoxic.
So I will post some of my experiences in heaven.
First I was taken to The Cleansing Pool
There was a tall lean Asian male there with a large hat on. He was stirring brains inside the pool surrounded by many large volcanoes 🌋
I asked, “am I in hell?”
Quietly he said, “no. You are at The Cleansing Pool. Here you cleanse your mind from negative thoughts.”
I looked at all the thousands of brains in the pool.
Mind to mind he said, “these are the bad thoughts in others. Yours are here now too.”
There was no memory of loosing my bad thoughts. There was no pain.
He said, “you cannot ascend until you are clean.”
I think that I went often there to the pool within my journey to heaven.
Suddenly I am brought to look at The Earth. The dirt was shown at a magnified distance. It got closer and closer. In the dirt I saw shiny brilliant objects. I saw atoms, protons, neutrons and shiny objects. Gold, silver and another universe held in quantum physics and very much alive.
We moved on. I was with someone but I don’t know who. I didn’t ask but was comfortable.
We went to the surface of Earth and saw all the relics, monuments, artifacts of Egypt, Per, Mexico and Sumerian. I was amazed.
From Pinterest. I chose this as part of the Earth’s Fibonacci design. It’s very deep, very interesting and a bit scary.
I then asked, “who are humans gods? Who made us?”
I think we went to the Cleansing Pool.
Then I saw several non human beings. I understood. These were the gods.
Then, I was instantly at The Pleiades, at Orion’s Belt and there I said, “oh please, keep me within The Milky Way.”
And nope! Off we went to the outer perimeter of the universe or universes.
There is where I saw The Elohim (Hebrew for gods. Plural) creating the universe.
My symbol for The Elohim.
On the parameter of the universes there is a bundle like a baby bundle that holds us tightly together. It is charged with magnetic energies and it is made of The Fibonacci Code or designs.
These designs are alive and growing rapidly. They wanted me to watch and they wanted me to see what they were making.
I got these images from Pinterest and altered the colors some. Heaven has different colors and I cannot remember to show you what they are. I wish that I could remember. Mesmerizing indeed. I had to look away from the designs many times as it is all consummating and a bit scary as we’ve never seen anything like this on Earth.
Here are some of the images from Pinterest.
I wish that I could tell the artists who drew these how I think they are close to what I saw, though the colors are different.
Okay one last very memorable experience I had while in the heavens.
I saw binary codes. I don’t read the codes so I wondered why they showed me.
But what I think they might mean is this. The codes have earths dates, and names of people. The gods, angels, supernatural beings or whatever they are can travel here to us at any date and time.
The codes are used for time travel. Then recorded code information is folded onto each other just like when scientists say the universes bend together and traveling in the universes becomes a shorter distance. This is the same physical principle for binary codes and time traveling.
Okay… thank you for baring with my writing if you read this.
I appreciate your reading this. Questions are appreciated and I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Many thanks 🙏🏼
BoJenn March 10, 2019
Boy what a ride
Thank you Jordan Maxwell for showing me the correct Hebrew interpretation
It is with great pleasure that I introduce you to a fellow poetess who is also a psychiatric nurse, like myself.
It is because the mind of a mental health nurse sees the world, reported by others, from a down to earth approach and also from a surreal sublime often bizarre experience, that I’m thrilled with Jo Dowling’s poetry. In a way, because we are so down to earth, we are also somewhat of skeptics, realists and also expect the weird from the world, at the same time.
We may write about “fairies” and fables, but under that fantasy is dirt truth… You must read between the lines that often have allegories, metaphors, parables and messages hidden in the gray areas of life, and from that we express the unexplainable in poetry.
If you live and move in these areas, then you too, understand the minds of psychiatric nurses… We are the eyes of doctors and therapists. We watch and never have to listen because we see and understand the unspoken language of the human spirit.
We are the Watchers, not exactly the listeners of words, because body language speaks louder volumes than spoken conversations, and psychiatric nurses see and realize the unspoken and that is why I love Jo’s poetry. She sees the reflections of the dark side of life and explains some secrets found inside closets and under beds in her poetry. The child that hurts, the person that still experiences the “boogyman” syndrome, Jo understands.
It is the human psyche and the sixth dimension that her poetry reflects. The empathetic observer that she is, who feels and deeply understands fears, horrors, paranoias and the sadness’ of many who experience mental illness or just simple fears and depression. Jo writes from their persona or perhaps she writes from her own experiences.
I love your poetry Jo. I understand and I relate to well. I know those demons thwarting our living day to day … So often those tormentors get away with robbing innocent victims.
I appreciate your poetry because you are truthful about what you’ve witnessed, and you have come to tell others, to alert them, and to touch them in away, through your poetry. Those whom read your lines, verse and choices of words, know that you do understand because you hit the demon on the head (just an expression) and expose those dark forces, so well.
Jo’s poetry is heartfelt spiritualality, but is not pie in the sky fairies and pixies, but it is about real life forces that have wounded many, and affect many daily;
So, thank you Jo.
Here is one of many of Jo’s poems.
Childhood was spent in China, Korea, and Baghdad. Attended college at the University of Arkansas, Henderson State University, and Texarkana College, obtaining a degree in Nursing. Became Specialized and Certified in Psychiatry and worked as a Registered Nurse at Baptist Health and Pinnacle Pointe Hospital in Little Rock, Arkansas. Served in the United States Marine Corps, Intelligence Division. Retired early and returned to hometown of Foreman, Arkansas to write full time.
Sometimes we turn from the fire so quickly we stumble and fall in the flames and are burned
And sometimes we medicate painful mistakes with elixers of poison or promises made
We watch as the children grow taller and stronger and cover our eyes when they break down the door
We are of thunder and rainbows, and cyclones, and northeastern winds without warning or form
We are of time and celestial planets, and volatile poisons and critical mass
We explain meaning without understanding- our senses perceive only what we believe
Humanity, fling back the sheet from the mirror–
Focus your sight and define what you see
Quiet your mind and acknowledge your senses
Cry for humanity, tend to the bleed
Gold turns to blackness like fossil rock veins- meanings ingrained and embedded
Sadness strikes suddenly, point piercing through, wickedly splitting existance in two
Shaking from force of the violent blow- the meaning burns inward and down to the bone
The sound lasts for only one second of time, but the echo will last for an entire life
Biddable river shines bright in the Autumn
Dance with me under the river rock cliffs
Voluptuous evergreen lips kiss the sky
Come to the river
Swim through your mind
Grape vines entwine, hiding footprints behind us
Time cannot find this oasis
Tedious urgency does not exist
Prisms refract where the river falls spray
Wade in the wonder
Bathe and create
You can find Jo Dowling on FB. She has several poetry groups and you might want to follow her and learn more about the dark side of our mind….
I live there at times and relate to the closets hidden from the world of facade and often irreverent.
Thank you Jo for sharing your poetry and a part of yourself. Thank you for the work that you do and write about. It is because you relate so well to the human spirit.
Jo is a realist.
Thank you deeply and sincerely.
Investigating the road noticed
A set of tracks singularly left
Perhaps a motorcycle or a sled
The icy coverage maybe slick
Deciding if the path needed me
To venture the trail leading where
I’d never been but seemed foreboding
Oh but the brush and thickets held
Could be rabbits or deers or who knows what
The road invited me ~ so I pondered
Remembering Robert Frost, I questioned
Is this the way, or perhaps not
It looked so innocent in the beginning part
Considering the icy surface and a mishap
But the other way held no assurances either
And each would take me to where I belong
Just different routes to meander through life
Standing looked as far as my sight grasped
The other way, was not envisioned
So, I decided to keep moving through
Neigh the other would be traveled blindly
Thus I went where I could vaguely see
And perhaps, I ask myself ~
Did this decision make the difference
Is this the road, I should have travelled
BJ K♣️©2016 Bonnie Jennings. All Rights Reserved<
mage from Pinterest<<<<<<<
Damp leaves fallen everywhere
Silently he who stands in prayer
Somewhere ~ pondering, “Elsewhere?
Could I have come from?” In despair,
He looks thinking, “is this a nightmare?”
Unrecognizing the odors and the auras
Alone, by the park bench now worn
Etched in wood were cursive initials
Swollen wet wood had but erased them
And there he stands, once debonaire
Only now, merely a ghost carrying an umbrella
The parallel alliance, the romantic bond
Passed into independent realms
Perhaps, time and measurements
Will lock into the same grid
But, until then, he just stands
Silently pondering the else-wheres.
Haunting the bench
Amidst fallen wet leaves
Stands a gentleman silhouette
BJ K♣️©2016 Bonnie Jennings. All Rights Reserved
Image from A Poets Haven
William Wordsworth, 1770 – 1850 (an excerpt)
“What though the radiance which was once so bright Be now for ever taken from my sight, Though nothing can bring back the hour Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower; We will grieve not, rather find Strength in what remains behind.”
Reflections on Family
My Family/families are my Valentines. ❤️
Ode on Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood
“What though the radiance which was once so bright Be now for ever taken from my sight, Though nothing can bring back the hour Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower; We will grieve not, rather find Strength in what remains behind.”
Time is a Thief
Fleeting ~ Time Left are memories of the children voices Left are the visions of sand castles Time is a thief ~ so subtly it steals The moments thought unimportant and harried If only for a moment ~ my mother and father We could gather at the playground together Instead of doing my own thing Would look only at you and carefully listen Because truly ~ Time is a thief BJ
Hidden from sight the old trees still protect As if intruders enter out of disrespect Inside the castle tucked deeply far away Is a beating heart who yearns for their play When they visit again and all will be restored To the time and place where the children roared The dogs barked when visitors approached And all was well, once upon a day
The laughter of voices of children are still heard Looking at the image seeing what once was And nothing will bring back the innocent days Moving time forward, can never return And the cycle of voices of children presently heard Are the ones who'll whisper in future playgrounds And the cycle goes on and on and on perpetually turning Making the maddening cycle stop Takes fortitude, strength, courage and truth That the voices of children stay presently in your heart BJ
Ascending an abandoned staircase stood once gloried and adored
Went ~ Swept away. But the antique staircase could bring them back ~
If only a wandering visitor came to stay.
“Please, whisper. As you enter a sacred place, be reverent. It is the granite that shields her heart, and the only way to enter is in quiet solitude.”
Thank you for reading
©2016 Bonnie Jennings. All Rights Reserved
Drifting weightlessly awhile dreaming lucidly seeing
Floating through halls of granite having huge columns
Touching cold stone walls filled with ancient lights
Knew momentarily, I was transported somewhere else
I studied the writings and carved pictures on the walls
Reading a story of humans caught within an earthen warp
But, here a palatial ruin, not foreboding, and oddly grand
Felt pleasure and comfort, felt familiarly, as if, I was home
The temple held temples, spirits ~ awaiting souls
A ride through the cosmos in order to find their own
And meanwhile awaiting the catalyst who transports
Watched myself drifting in this palatial mausoleum space
Recognizing old ~ old character beings, I’ve known
In another place for certain; however, this was our womb
Until the time of birthing thus taking flight combusting into life
Here we gathered, quietly awaiting, until our mother said
And this cold monumental temple is our place
I recognized the carvings and the silent grace
And one day, will return and unite with my family
A peaceful dream experienced, finding my haven
©2016 Bonnie jennings All Rights Reserved
Welcome To Winter Fairies and Return To The Forest
My poetry is dedicated to my family respectively: Jim, Babe, Carol, Elysia and Joel.
Also, I want to thank all of my poetry friends that I’ve made on FB. The list is so long of my FB friends and I just want to let them know that they are so appreciated…
Now, just a little note to you the readers. This is a long poetry story. It has to be lenghty as it tells a story about love that’s become volatile. Love ,that is abusive and perhaps dangerous, is Beauties struggle and “Beauty ” is a metaphor regarding the lives of domestic violence victims.
I’m most proud of Fairy Beauty who declares her win over The Evil Sh’man. I love her words to the audience, to herself and to him. She comes through as the ultimate victor in the case of domestic warfare.
Thank you for stopping by and reading the allegorical poems of Winter Fairies.
Oh and by the way, the word fairy or faerie have two different spellings and meanings. A fairy is good and kind and represents innocence while faeries are mischievous at times and are practical jokers and create havoc in their environment.
Evil Sh’man Speaks:
Hey! Come back here you Elfin Faerie!
Stop giggling, skipping and dancing, right now!
Caught again this time…
Feel the gripping of my grasp?
You Elfin mischief maker.
This time you’ll pay the price.
Last time… You’ve plucked my “C” chord.
Making sure of that…
Ha! You laugh, tease, taunt and twirl,
but now meshed between fingers of steel.
The last laugh; mine.
Little green Faerie neither sex surely known.
Doesn’t matter now
For between my fingers, thou art.
So, wiggly. So smart!
My eyes will not close!
The night approaches. Willing not thou clever plan.
I sleep not!
Sword drawn at my side.
Think Thou smart, do’est though?
Think ye shall wait?
Time your best ally?
Big green eyes look so sad.
Concerned for souls, are you?
Eyelashes ever so sweet and dimples warming pink cheeks.
One big tear begging release?
Ahhh…Turn Away! …
Eternal soul sucking fascination of Beauty’s green eyes.
AYE, Look away!!!
No gaze at she!!!
The promise of your love I shall not see.
The trigger’s trap catches not; me.
I DO NOT SEE!
Then Beauty Takes Her Leave as The Evil SH’man Sleeps:
Black night comes,
alone and cold.
Smart beauty sleeps warmed
By hands that fold.
In quietness the present enemy waits.
Beauty taunts not.
She need not…
For time be her friend.
Coldness aligns her side
And loneliness sang lullabies to her;
“sleep child sleep.”
The fight grows small.
Sleeps on the horizon; it calls.
Hearing distance voices my eyes rest.
The hills and a mountain melody lays sleeps fog.
Can you hear it, as well?
“Gently gently, sleep.”
Beauty crawls from fingers once tight.
Not to awaken the captures soul…
She’s played before..
However it’d grown old.
She plays well.
A champion for sure.
“Awaken not my game.”
“Comes tomorrow a fair shame is he.”
“Foe rest; later your dare…”
“Thought you had me?”
“You foolish sh’man.”
“Look! Who has who.”
“Thought you’d won?”
I’d not get away?”
Ah…Before Daylight shines…
“One last game..It affords me so…”
Whispers stories in midnight sleep.
You’ll think strange, “God’s” voice for certain.
Magical messages, images, songs and words;
“God’s!, not His at all…”
“Goody, goody for me.”
“One more time before nights end
Can bully jab my soul.”
“NOT!” Then; Beauty declares her win…
Her long fairy fingers reach for the harp.
The soul of her game?
To pluck his “F” sharp…
“Bold challenges,” said Beauty,
“HIS love I detest,
but, as He has made it,
I surrender my quest.”
Beauty, The King of Clubs, enter’s another battle with The King of Diamonds or The Evil Sh’man. One more round taking place in the courtroom of divorce.
The King’s Duel
The Final Question?
Can the deep insightful King of Clubs
raise the final victory
over the overachieving
king of Diamonds?
not a final nod.
Eyes glaring steel blue and hazel green
facial lines fixed
not even a twitch.
Slowly woven like the Earth to the Moon
moving like a dance
made a circlular pattern
on the floors of onyx black
The King of Diamonds
so sure of himself
believed no fight
from the Club herself,
But the Club held dear
the truth in her heart
The Lord Almighty
from the start.
Round and round
so slowly they moved.
The Diamond King’s lips
snarled a smirk
as he spit tw’ord ‘er shoes.
And the King of Clubs
shot darts of fire
her eyes told,
The one eyed King
dazzled with diamonds galore
But, The King of Clubs
kept her mind
on the chore.
Over and around
the blades slowly moved
then picked up the pace
without any shoes…
Cling, clang, ding and gwong
the blades met
rangling a song
“All shiny and strong,
the song of a Savior,
That life is a gift
given by Him
and though expect treasure
we don’t always win…”
The Kings welded
their swords in the air
cutting their skins
and toppling their hair.
nor whimpering came from the two
but fierce wellbred bickering
whipped whistled twang pue.
The blades never ceased
the clang of the strikes,
faster and harder
beaten the life
Of one Diamond King
and the other a Club
but The Savior stepped in
to straightened their thuds.
Now, it came to pass
that The Diamond King
tipped his hat,
and gave up his crown,
and that; was that.
And The King of Clubs
Surrendered her heart
at a cross
on a hill~
For the hill is where
all kings will bow
made not of fools…
but of heroes,
Those, i am’s, of Thou art.
Fairy Beauty was captured because she was on a quest to find the perfect person to love her. And, because of her innocence, kindness and inability to defend herself, she is captured by a man, who is not for her ultimate good well-being. On the road of searching for a god-like man, she was captured by a sociopathic man….
In the poem, the man in the forest she meets, is a god-like man whom she created in her mind. It was a man similar to what she felt her father was and perhaps he is her biological father on her god-like quest for a great man to love and marry her.
So now, for poem 3:
The Forest Man
Like a drug; I’m compelled.
An index finger points the way.
The path covered in vagueness.
Only trust leads my day.
The forest is my storybook.
Few paths I’ve known.
Some are smooth and uneventful.
Some are treacherously bare.
Once a lesson completes.
And a short respite occurs.
The forest fairies find me.
And, another adventure is assured.
My feet are weary from twists and stones.
Tripping along the way.
But nonetheless, the spirits find me.
And again, I’ve nothing to say,
Excuses are lame.
Whining creates more.
So, quietly I proceed.
Wandering, the magic roads of lore.
Passing through the brush.
Carrying my satchel of prayers.
Perhaps I’ll pass a man.
A man who relinquishes terrors.
And I’ll look for him in the forest.
There, pray he shall find me.
Illuminate, our eyes will sparkle.
Then, my spirit shall be set free.
Beauty does escape the evil sh’man; however, the road home is often filled with in trepidation as she is always looking over her shoulder watching and waiting for the reappearance of her captor. Her fears are at times delusional as she struggles with being tormented and falling back into his hands or similar hands. She knows that she is vulnerable because of her naivety.
Escaping and Returning to The Forest
Cold, cold, cold the morning; cold.
Coffee warms my hands.
Unraveling memories; seeming dull
Still night dreams, do unfold.
Low clouds covered the forest
Eyes that see not before us.
But, follow the pale path
Neath the weary feet.
See it! There! Underneath!
Wet leaves covered the way.
Then look closely if you may.
Sprinkled sparkling faerie dust
Shimmers neath the leaves.
And, if you follow the shining lights
Those sights shall take the lead.
Following the strath of twigs and weeds …
Growing near the path
The wetness of the leafy stuff
Still bares the night time mask…
Here, there, turns and twists
Mark a path which won’t resist.
All night long seeking an end.
Running, skipping and stumbling on shin.
Searched, knocked, and sought
Only not to find
Any faerie myths…
Oh, how my heart…
I tired of your game,
Running your path night long.
Then decided I,
Best to wander home.
And, vaguely remembering sanity
Since safety departed me,
Calling from the woods
It growled ferociously.
Sad and disturbed
Missed you again!
And, lowering my face,
Bares a fools return.
Hey, Look yonder!!!
There! My Mims!
To be greeted by their love!
The open arms of my kin.
My family who loves me dearly,
And they who prayed me home
Even despite myself. ,
Even despite myself.
Special thanks to my Late mother, Babe, my Skipper B, my Dear sister Carol, my daughter Elysia and my son Joel. They “who safely, yea, safely prayed me home that night.”
Beauty is still on her journey with the help of her family to find sanity so she continues to seek refuge at home once again. She is still running from the shadows, the bumps and bangs in the middle of the night or day. She shakes from fear whether real or imagined.
Trying to Find Home
“Awe,” the radiance; so bright.
Then, follow it, with all might.
The road course shall lead by day
Rocks, turns, stickers and curves
My prejudiced thoughts;
Lofty visions of you.
Fiery images deflect a golden hue.
Imagined you, bronzed, dazzling, and vein.
We danced; then came the rain.
Caught too long there.
Idol thoughts; so dear.
Washed away; with my tear.
My arms bound, and mouth sealed.
Woven. Hey! What’s the deal?
OH, My God! I’ve Been Caught!
The coven’s web intently taut!
The feast I am. His delight.
Oh, fairy friend! By the firelight!
Here I am!
Now the spiders home virtually unseen,
Vaguely tucks into that corner beam.
But, see the dim light, growing so bright?
A fairy severs the silk, so tight.
And, falling from the web of fright.
Still arms tangled by silk threads
Pushing out bracing the fall
The spider and the fairy brawl
Wham, Bam, to and fro, from the deathly fight they bow
Looking, whom’s, my fairy friend? Noticing it must be Joe.
Underneath the spider
Joe waves thumbs up, You’re alright!
Now run like hell! To the light!
Run away little bait!
For, the fate of the firefly might be too late…
By Bonnie Jennings 1/12/2010
While on the road to recovery of being a doormat personality, Beauty finds a new friend who comes to stay with her during the getting home and settled sate. And, it was then that Faerie Jo (JR’s) entered her life. It is true that Faerie Jo made Beauty laugh again; however, Faerie Jo had some deviant behaviors the Beauty was amused by. He made her laugh though she never experimented with his mischievous suggestions. But, Beauty does thank Faerie Jo for the recovery of smiles, amusement in life and deep hearted laughter she had lost while in the deep woods of fears.
Joe’s Seduction and Return to The Forest
lips of faerie red.
Failure to answer
You want to play!
I see in your eyes
By the way”
“At the end of the day
You’ve nothing to say?
Sing and dance with me.
By the time night comes
We’ll use the key.”
“The window thought closed
We’ll not use tonight
For as the sun sets
The door will shine bright.”
“And, just as before
When the Moon was full
You danced by the light of the fire.
And your life…not dull.”
“So come on Old Foe
I challenge you today
to come to the Forest
But, don’t forget to pray.”
Now Joe’s eyes
Her hair of red waves fell
Her waist little too.
Charming alluring daring
Joe seduced the weakening victim
O so sweet her voice
before Joe actually kicked-em.
“I can’t, I won’t !
Now, GO JOE!
far from me!
Out! You Elphin mischief-maker!
There! The window!
Now, LET Me BE !”
Pouty lips and bats of faerie lashes
A wink of Joe’s eyes
She extends her hand
“Come now, come nigh,
And do not say, good-bye.”
“My human friend
Please don’t cry.”
Joe’s fingers crossed
After her word
“You know you want to come.”
Joe’s clever tenderness heard.
Then their eyes met
Joes soul stronger by far
It reached out to point the way
To the forest
Weeping, sobbing and uttering,
For with you faerie
I SHALL NOT GO!.”
“You LIE, you CHEAT, You’ve NEVER TOLD the truth!
Away from me little demon!
For I a clever sleuth !”
“I found out your tricks
All slippery twists and turns.
You’ll not lead me to the forest
The fires there
Will not burn!”
Blink blink. Smile smile.
Joe’s gestures summoned otherwise
Lies, cheats, twists and turns?
“You know how you loved it?
“Hey, for now,
Why don’t we play?
Remember the time
Remember the day?”
“You chased me,
And I chased you
Around and about
And away we flew.”
“And, I gave you wings
So you could fly.
You wore them one day
And flew sky-high.”
Up and away
or top of the trees!
O, how you flew.
Then, crashed down on your knees.
You cried a little
Afraid to smash
But, I caught you.
Do you remember that?
By day we flew
through tops of trees.
At night we danced,
Howled while burned the fire
With the breeze.
The snow fell
white branches below
cold air on our faces
you didn’t say, no.
Confessing your fears,
Don’t make me fly!
Saying, Damn you fairies!
But, we took you so high.
But, once on top of forest trees,
cold air blew
threw majestic hair.
Then, smiles over took you.
You’d no more cares.
The human flew
Above The Earth,
And, safely returned
To the fires hue.
Tasting faerie brew
Though freezing; made warm.
Tasting our food,
Now, whats the harm?”
So, come now,
God of the sky.
Let us dance, cheer and sing
And, please, don’t lie.
For flying, your game fare
The faerie sort
So, stay if you must…
But, winter is coming
and near the first frost.
Kindling our fires
Don’t get lost.
The invite is yours.
Extends the Faerie hand
In Spring depart
From kindred land.
Think it over,
I’ll return once.
To ask you to play
to ask you to dance.
Quiet are you
Not so sure?
Your soul inside
And they judge you.
But, in Faerie land
All tiny feet
Wear the same tiny shoe.
“So, I’ll leave you this morning
To think for yourself.
I’ll return ONCE more.
When The Moon shall wane
Then, you should thin,
Follow the elf.
But, one more time
I ask you to follow
Before The Moon’s full light is gone.
Then, don’t dilly-dallow.
Joe moves to the window
Her faerie finger points up.
Then, her faerie wings take to flight.
But, before leaving from captives sight
Joe turns to wink
And salutes goodbye.
In the year 2011, Beauties mother dies and it is in her memory, that this poem was written. “Babe,” Beauties mother was life’s weaver of magic and good dreams. This poem is about Babe, who helped Beauty so many times. This poem is a thank you to Babe for her constant help in real life and beyond….
Autumn Weaving with Babe,
my weaver of dreams and magic 2011
Weave in and out skip two colors of dreams
Raise the level of forest green
now circle around the lights magic stream.
Yellows and oranges
Parfet and red
perfect strands of marbled threads
Dashing there yonder
up over Mars
bringing back a handful Stars
Wild horses charge
Black stallions at night
Taming the dragon with beacons of light
Casting them into fortune and fame
Causing the wind
Making it bend.
Lastly, there are many more in The Winter Fairy series of Poetry, but these are the most significant to the experiences of abuse. This poem is about the road of recovery. Victims have a tendency to repeat damaging relationships. So, in the recovery process, Beauty separates herself from any possibilities of dysfunctional relationships until she can learn to say, “No,” and she can recognize the “red flags” that charismatic abusers often present. Until that time comes, and maybe it won’t, Beauty rests, heals, and discovers her own needs for self love.
©2010 by Bojenn or Bonnie Gay Jennings or Bonnie Jennings
@Bonnie Gay Jennings, or Bonnie Jennings or Boondoggling with Bojenn
*Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Bonnie (Gay) Jennings, or Bojenn or Bonnie Jennings with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. All artwork is also the production and creation of Bonnie Jennings.
My email: Bonniegjennings@gmail.com
Thank you for reading. I pray you found insight.
God bless you.
Bonnie Jennings or Bojenn